FAST: A Catholic Guide to Setting Boundaries

Apr 4

Boundaries are not barriers; they’re tools for healthy, holy relationships. They help you protect your peace so you can love yourself, your neighbor, and God more fully. Unfortunately, creating these boundaries properly is challenging… luckily, that’s where the FAST method comes in. It’s a powerful, faith-aligned way to maintain self-respect while still being kind, honest, and loving.

F – (Be) Fair to yourself and others

Christ calls us to treat others the way we want to be treated—but that includes how we treat ourselves, too. Fairness means honoring your own needs while remaining compassionate to others. A big part of that is validating feelings—yours and theirs. Your emotions are real, and they matter. So do the emotions of the person you're interacting with. When you set a boundary, you’re not saying their feelings don’t matter—you’re just saying both of your needs deserve respect.

A – (No) Apologies

We’re taught to be humble, but humility isn’t the same as self-erasure. Constantly apologizing for setting boundaries undermines the dignity God has given you and importance of your request or boundary. Instead of saying, “Sorry to bother you,” try “Do you have a moment to talk?” That shift respects both you and them. Likewise, saying “Sorry, I wish I could make that, but I can’t” can be reframed as “I’m unavailable at that time. How about this instead?”

S – Stick to your values

Our values as Catholics are rooted in the Gospel: truth, integrity, purity of heart, compassion. When you compromise those values just to keep others happy, you risk drifting from who God created you to be. Whether it’s standing up for what’s right or declining an invitation that conflicts with your spiritual life, remember that boundaries help you stay grounded in your identity in Christ. “Let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no.’” (Matthew 5:37)

T – (Be) Truthful

Christ was the embodiment of truth—and He spoke it with love. You can be honest with compassion, not by being harsh. If someone invites you out but you’re overwhelmed, you don’t have to lie or fake an excuse. Say, “I’ve had a long day and need some rest. Can we catch up another time?” That’s real, respectful, and rooted in love. Truthfulness builds trust, and trust builds stronger, Christ-centered relationships.

Setting boundaries isn’t about putting yourself above others. It’s about caring for yourself so that you can love others more freely and serve God without burning out. As St. Teresa of Calcutta said, “To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

So the next time you feel pressure to overextend, pause and check in with FAST:

Fairness. Assertiveness. Sticking to values. Truthfulness.

That’s how you live out love with strength, clarity, and grace.

Jacob Frazier

Jacob Frazier, LMHC, MA, NCC, is a mental health counselor with Archangel Catholic.

Jacob holds a master's degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Gonzaga University. As a mental health counselor, Jacob has a passion for facilitating personal and interpersonal development, vocational/career discernment, and helping people apply their strengths and Catholic faith to the challenges of daily living.

Jacob has extensive clinical history of assessing and working with clients experiencing emotional dysregulation, depression, anxiety, struggling with relationships and commitment, facing addictions, and struggling with trauma.

Jacob is trained in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which he used on a treatment team that served individuals with moderate to severe diagnoses. Jacob is also trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) centered on posttraumatic stress related to abuse, neglect, and other traumatic life experiences. He also has an interest in helping men foster a healthy understanding of masculinity and assist in cultivating virtue.