When “Loving” Others is Destructive

Have you ever noticed yourself automatically prioritizing others’ needs over your own? Maybe to the point where you neglect yourself?

That could be the fawn response—a trauma pattern where safety feels tied to being agreeable, useful, and accommodating.

Instead of fight, flight, or freeze… we fawn.

We read the room, adjust ourselves to avoid conflict, and trade our authenticity for safe attachment.

For many raised in emotionally volatile homes—or placed in caregiving roles—fawning can become the path of least resistance. Over time, it can lead to people-pleasing, codependency, and blurred boundaries.

In the end… lose ourselves, drifting in the currents of others’ expectations without direction.

The antidote? Self-acceptance.

Be like a sailboat with a rudder—rooted in your values, moving with intention.

Ask yourself:

Who am I doing this for—me or them?

Is this out of love, or are there strings attached?

Would they do the same thing for me?

When we honor our own needs, we move from survival mode to authentic connection. Because your needs matter—and the deepest form of abandonment is self-abandonment.

Once you start living out of authenticity, you can actual begin loving those around you fully.

🎵 A song that captures the heart of the fawn response:

“Two” by Sleeping At Last:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrDzd4ufypE